- The Need for Company in Human Nature
- The Importance of Getting Married the Islamic Way
- The Prophet’s Way of Preparing for Marriage
- The Significance of Engagement in Islam
- The Rights of the Engaged Couples in Islam
- How to Choose a Life Partner is Islam?
- What does it mean to be Religious?
- A Story of a Good Wife
- One Last Important Thing!
Alhamdulillah; all praise and thanks are due to Allah, Who has created for us, from among ourselves spouses, so that we might find tranquillity in each other, and Who has created between us (and our spouses) affection and kindness. No god but Allah. We seek His Forgiveness at all times; and to Him alone we repent. May His Peace and Blessings be upon the best person who has ever practised love and shown affection; Habibi Muhammad, His household, his companions and all those who follow his guided path, till the Day of Judgement.
In life, every event has a beginning. Every event has an ultimate objective it aims to achieve, at the end of the day. A truly blessed and productive marriage has an objective to achieve in this life, as well as in the Hereafter. In order for that objective to be achieved and for it to be truly Islamic and attain Allah’s Pleasure, it has to be started, in a certain way, that falls within the Islamic framework.
This article supplements my previous one ‘When Can a Muslim Marry a Non-Muslimah’. It aims to be a source of inspiration and information for our Muslim brothers and sisters, who are on their way to starting families. It also aims to be a reminder for our Muslim brothers and sisters, who are already “engaged” to observe the purity of their relationship, while preparing for the ‘Big Day’ which every couple ever dreamt of, or is dreaming of. Couples who are already married may find this article as a reference that can help them guide their children, who are certainly looking forward to get engaged, one day, insha Allah. In short, it a guide to the Prophet’s way to an everlasting marriage!
This article discusses the period between the moments one decides to start searching for his or her ‘sweet heart’ until the moments that occurs on the official day of marriage. It therefore, doesn’t teach or show how to do a wedding ceremony, nor does it discuss marriage life.
If we look at the creatures of Allah, which procreate through giving birth or laying eggs, we find that, all creatures, which have sexual desire, mate freely, with no restrictions. Unlike such creatures, it is compulsory upon us, children of Adam, to follow a certain procedures, that fulfil some requirements before we can lawfully be entitled for a partner. This is to ensure cleanliness and purity in human lineage and reproduction, at all times.
Marriage, which means a lifetime project, saves one from loneliness and lack of social interaction. All that combined bring stability in human life. That’s one of the possible reasons why, our first father, Sayyiduna Adam, was not left to live in Heaven alone. A spouse was created for him, from within himself, so he can stabilize in his stay in the Heaven.
وَقُلْنَا يَا آدَمُ اسْكُنْ أَنتَ وَزَوْجُكَ الْجَنَّةَ
It means, “We said, “O Adam! live with your wife in Paradise.” [Suran Al-Baqarah, 2:35]
Living in company, as in marriage life helps to create consciousness of Allah’s greatness in His Creations.
وَمِن كُلِّ شَيْءٍ خَلَقْنَا زَوْجَيْنِ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَذَكَّرُونَ
It means, “And of all things We created two mates; perhaps you will remember.” [Surah Al-Zhariyaat, 51:49]
This means, marriage itself, in addition to in being platform, through which we gain tranquillity and comfort, it serves as a sign of Allah, for His servants to appreciate and long for more of excitement in Paradise.
This is a nature that was bestowed upon some creatures of Allah, including human beings. One’s life ruins if they stay alone, lonely for long.
سُبْحَانَ الَّذِي خَلَقَ الْأَزْوَاجَ كُلَّهَا مِمَّا تُنبِتُ الْأَرْضُ وَمِنْ أَنفُسِهِمْ وَمِمَّا لَا يَعْلَمُونَ
It means, “Exalted is He who created all pairs – from what the earth grows and from themselves and from that which they do not know.” [Surah Yaseen, 36:36]
Marriage brings stability if it’s done rightly and righteously.
وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً،إِنَّ فِي ذَٰلِكَ لَآيَاتٍ لِّقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ
It means, “Another of His signs is that He created for you from among yourselves spouses, so that you might find repose in them, and He created between you affection and kindness. Truly there are signs in this for people who reflect.” [Surah Al-Roum, 30:21]
Even in the Hereafter, after dwellers of Paradise settle in, they will be honoured with spouses to enhance their residence and stability over there.
وَالَّذِينَ صَبَرُوا ابْتِغَاءَ وَجْهِ رَبِّهِمْ وَأَقَامُوا الصَّلَاةَ وَأَنفَقُوا مِمَّا رَزَقْنَاهُمْ سِرًّا وَعَلَانِيَةً وَيَدْرَءُونَ بِالْحَسَنَةِ السَّيِّئَةَ أُولَـٰئِكَ لَهُمْ عُقْبَى الدَّارِ * جَنَّاتُ عَدْنٍ يَدْخُلُونَهَا وَمَن صَلَحَ مِنْ آبَائِهِمْ وَأَزْوَاجِهِمْ وَذُرِّيَّاتِهِمْ، وَالْمَلَائِكَةُ يَدْخُلُونَ عَلَيْهِم مِّن كُلِّ بَابٍ * سَلَامٌ عَلَيْكُم بِمَا صَبَرْتُمْ، فَنِعْمَ عُقْبَى الدَّارِ
It means, “Those who are steadfast in seeking the favour of their Lord, and pray regularly and spend secretly and openly out of what We have provided them with, and ward off evil with good. Theirs shall be the final abode. They shall enter the eternal Gardens of Eden, along with the righteous from among their fathers, wives and descendants. From every gate the angels will come to them, saying, “Peace be upon you for all that you have steadfastly endured. How excellent is the final abode!” [Surah Al-Ra’d, 13:22-24]
In order to achieve that, Allah instilled natural instinct in His creatures, which will lead and encourage them to live together for long, and to be able to reproduce and generate their type. That instinct is what we (sometimes) refer to as “Love”.
In most cases, love takes place between couples before they ‘tie the knot’ (lawfully). It’s also true that, love may only established after the marriage has taken place. The latter happens when couple are forced into marriage against their will.
Whether love takes place before or after marriage, there are procedures every Muslim is supposed to follow before they are formally be recognised as married pair to somebody. Such procedures are the way the Prophet, salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam, did for himself, and also taught his companions (and his entire Ummah) to follow.
Following such Prophet’s instructions in living love lawfully is what we regard as marriage. What is the importance of marriage in Islam?
The importance of ensuring that we engage in life’s most important affairs, such as marriage, in the Islamic way lies in two main reasons.
First, marriage is a lifelong project. A minor mistake committed in its beginning may lead to major ones along the way which can possibly create an end to it. If this happens, the couple may not be the ones who pay the price alone, but their offspring too. This certainly will have some negative implications on the society, in which such children are born and brought up.
Secondly, projects that carry the weight of marriage in importance, must be set to a certain standard. Such standard, is to align our marriage process with the teachings of Islam, and the deeds (actions) of our beloved Prophet Muhammad, salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam.
This is one of the reason why Allah emphasized on reminding us, when He said in Surah Al-Ahzab, 33:21:
لَّقَدْ كَانَ لَكُمْ فِي رَسُولِ اللَّـهِ أُسْوَةٌ حَسَنَةٌ لِّمَن كَانَ يَرْجُو اللَّـهَ وَالْيَوْمَ الْآخِرَ وَذَكَرَ اللَّـهَ كَثِيرًا
It means, “There has certainly been for you in the Messenger of Allah an excellent pattern for anyone whose hope is in Allah and the Last Day and [who] remembers Allah often.”
The Prophet’s life was not all prayers (ibadah, in it’s literal meaning). It included spirituality, social, politics, and education, to mention a few. Certainly marriage is not an exception. Thus, when we choose to follow the excellent patterns of the Prophet, it’s wise that we broaden our scope to encompass all aspects of his life. If marriage falls out, I’m afraid; nothing else will fall in properly.
Also, happiness in marriage life reflects on one’s attitudes, outside the house. One of the ways we achieve that happiness in our marriage life is to observe Allah, during the period of engagement, while preparing or waiting for the ‘Big Day’. To observe Allah during the period of engagement, let’s go Islamic!
The Prophet, salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam, never failed to remind the companions to be mindful of Allah when they are about to commit to any affair. Such in a way that was emphasized in:
قُلْ إِنَّ صَلَاتِي وَنُسُكِي وَمَحْيَايَ وَمَمَاتِي لِلَّـهِ رَبِّ الْعَالَمِينَ * لَا شَرِيكَ لَهُ، وَبِذَلِكَ أُمِرْتُ وَأَنَا أَوَّلُ الْمُسْلِمِينَ
It means, “Say, “Indeed, my prayer, my rites of sacrifice, my living and my dying are for Allah, Lord of the worlds. No partner has He. And this I have been commanded, and I am the first [among you] of the Muslims.” [Surah Al-An’aam, 6:162-163]
The Prophet, salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam, also constantly guided and prepared the companions mentally in advance, before they started to search for their life partners. So when he was asked about the description of a good spouse (wife), he mentioned no materialistic values, but characteristic values. He said in a Hadeeth reported by Imam Ibn Majah:
أَلا أُخْبِرُكُمْ بِخَيْرِ مَا يَكْنِزُ المَرْءُ؟ المَرْأَةُ الصَّالِحَةُ، الَّتِي إِذَا نَظَرَ إِلَيْهَا سَرَّتْهُ، وَإِذَا غَابَ عَنْهَا حَفِظَتْهُ، وَإِذَا أَمَرَهَا أَطَاعَتْهُ
It means, “Would you like me to tell you of the best one can possess? A righteous (pious) wife, whom pleases her husband whenever he looks at her, protects him (his dignity) in his absence, and obeys him whenever he orders her.”
Generally, people start their marriage story (not marriage life) with engagement. What significance does engagement have in marriage story?
Engagement serves as a consent and agreement from both parties, acknowledging their interest in each other, for marriage. In other words, it’s a ‘kind of’ reserving one another, for a noble lifetime partnership project.
The period of engagement can vary from one person to another, from one country to another, and from a culture to another. But those differences between individuals, countries or cultures don’t change the nature and reality of what “engagement” should be, and how it should be handled and lived.
In Islam, marriage can take place immediately after engagement, where period (duration) of the engage is actually equal to none. This means, one can propose to a lady, and if she and her kin (Waliyy) agree and accept on the spot, and there are two witnesses, legal marriage takes place. Done!
Engagement however, is mostly dragged to as long as the parties involved need, in order to get prepared for the wedding. But the shorter the period, the better it is. The longer is takes, the mostly likely issues and problems emerge. Also, the longer it takes, the more likely Allah will be displeased.
Engagement does not create any special relationship nor any sort of kinship between the “fiancé and fiancée”. Their relationship rather remains as it was before the proposal or engagement, until they are lawfully married.
This ensures that, whether the marriage takes place or not, both parties will continue to safeguard their religious boundaries and personal modest and privacy. It also ensures that, should any of the parties involved changes his or her mind, no harm will practically occur to the other. So to say, even if another candidate comes forward, he or she will still be able to find a pure partner, for a noble lifetime project.”
Since engagement does not serve as legal marriage, should both parties decide to break the “agreement to marry”, none will be liable to anything.
Engaged couples, although engaged to each other, are not married couples, nor are they siblings. This is because engagement serves only as an expression of interest and promise to marry one another, not more than that.
During the period of engagement, engaged couples are not expected to be going dating (similar to what non-Muslim may do), shaking hands, hugging or making physical body contact. They can, however meet, provided there is a presence and observation of the kin (or Mahram) of the lady. Click here to read about Mahram and family relations here.
Engaged couples have the right to see each other. An engaged person can look at the beauty of his fiancée or her fiancé without his or her knowledge (consent), in a way that will develop more love of the fiancée or the fiancé, in his or her heart. Men have the courage to do this more regularly. But courage women, too can do that.
In my article, When Can a Muslim Marry a Non-Muslimah, we discussed almost all issues related to that subject matter. In this article, I assume the partner, whom you may be considering to marry, to be a Muslim/ah beforehand. This is so because the preferred quality, in the context of this article, is not applicable on Non-Muslims.
People usually choose their life partners depending on the perception they have for marriage itself. At the time that some perceive marriage as a short-term project, where one only aims to fulfil his or her sexual desires, others plan marriage with an agenda to make wealth, due to the fact that, the other party possesses wealth.
At the time that some sign marriage contracts, to open door of popularity on their way, because the other partner belongs to a famous or noble ancestry, others look at marriage as a lifetime project, whereby, as much as they want to develop chastity for themselves from the marriage, they also look at the future in its farthest extent, where they’ll make offspring from the marriage, and beyond that to win Allah’s Pleasure, in the Hereafter.
When it comes to searching for a lifetime partner, men (and their side) mostly do the homework (search). They can approach, they can talk and they can initiate. They propose. That’s the natural character given to men.
Women naturally hide behind modesty and shyness (which is good) despite having greater interest, and wait for the ‘Hero’ to knock the door. Some of them however, have the courage to initiate the proposal. The number of women who courageously do that is set to increase, due to the fact that, women outnumber men in population, and the outnumbering is growing.
Naturally, when men start searching for a life partner, they search for women who possess one of four qualities, or some of them combined, or all together combined. I would be pleased to shake the hands of the man who succeeded in securing a woman, who possesses all the four qualities combined! The four qualities are:
Noble ancestry; and
To emphasize this reality, the Prophet salla Allah ‘alaihi wasallam said, in a Hadeeth narrated by Sayyiduna Abu Huraiah, radhiya Allahu ‘anhu, and reported by Imam(s) Al-Bukhari and Muslim:
تُنْكَحُ المَرْأَةُ لأَرْبَعٍ: لِمَالِهَا، وَلِجَمَالِهَا، وَلِحَسَبِهَا، وَلِدِينِهَا، فَاظْفَرْ بِذَاتِ الدِّينِ تَرِبَتْ يَدَاكَ
It means, “A woman is married for four (reasons): her wealth, for her beauty, for her noble ancestry, and for her religion. Choose the religious woman lest your hand is stuck to dust (because of destitution).”
In the above Hadeeth, the Prophet salla Allah ‘alaihi wasallam, had indicated what we, men, naturally go for, when considering marriage, but he has clearly given us the best quality to look for, in a partner. He advised us to strictly go for the religious, because with religiosity, one is likely to enjoy the highest possible happiness in marriage. Therefore, any of the remaining qualities should be a secondary consideration.
The Prophet, salla Allah ‘alaihi wasallam also said in a Hadeeth reported by Ibn Majah:
لا تُزَوِّجُوا النِّسَاءَ لِحُسْنِهِنَّ، فَعَسَى حُسْنُهُنَّ أَنْ يُرْدِيَهُنَّ، وَلا تُزَوِّجُوهُنَّ لأَمْوَالِهِنَّ، فَعَسَى أَمْوَالُهُنَّ أَنْ تُطْغِيَهُنَّ، وَلَكِنْ تُزَوَّجُوهُنَّ عَلَى الدِّينِ وَلأَمَةٌ سَوْدَاءُ خَرْمَاءُ، ذَاتُ دِينٍ أَفْضَلُ
It means, “Do not marry women for their beauty, for their beauty may destroy them. Do not marry them for their wealth, for their wealth may make them rebellious. Marry them on the basis of faith. A religious black maid who is a believer is much better for you.”
On the males side, the Prophet, salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam, said in a Hadeeth reported by Imam Al-Tirmzhi:
إِذَا جَاءَكُمْ مَنْ تَرْضَوْنَ دِينَهُ وَخُلُقَهُ فَزَوِّجُوهُ، إِلا تَفْعَلُوهُ تَكُنْ فِتْنَةٌ فِي الأرْضِ وَفَسَادٌ كَبِيرٌ
It means, “If a suitor approaches you, whose religion and character please you, then let him marry (your daughter, sister or relative). Otherwise, there will be a lot of immorality and corruption in the world.”
This means, one can go for beauty, for wealth, or for family lineage, but that shouldn’t be the primary focus. The primary focus should be religion.
Families of unmarried women who expect suitors also, can expect rich suitors, handsome one or those with high social ranking, but that shouldn’t be their primary focus. The primary focus should be religion.
Now let’s look at the four qualities that are looked for when we search for life partners, and reflect up them, each.
It’s human nature to be attracted by beauty and good appearance. The nicer something looks, the more attractive it becomes. The more beautiful it is, the more pleasant it is to the eyes. The same instinct activates, when it comes to sexual desire and choice of lifetime companion.
It’s totally permissible to search for a partner who possesses significant amount of beauty. It’s however, important to ensure that, the beauty of the person is beautified with his or her religion, good character and sound moral.
As we all know; beauty is not measurable, and it differs from one person to another. Also, permanence is not guaranteed for beauty. Beautiful things are only beautiful when they are new. New things don’t remain new. As a result, those who mainly married their wives solely based on beauty turn to play around with other women, once their wives start to develop natural ageing face. Such wives on the other hand, turn to plastic surgery (especially in the West), to ensure that they remain attractive to their husbands, whose only concern is beauty. I wonder who wants to live with a plastic partner the rest of his life!
The point is, beauty varies, and it’s subject to changing into ugliness, should there be – may Allah forbid, any occurrence of accident.
That’s why the Prophet, salla Allahu ‘alaihi wassallam, advised us to search for a religious partner. One can go for a beautiful partner, but they should make sure that person enjoys religion, in addition to his or her beauty.
We measure wealth with material possessions, but the reality, according to the teachings of the prophets is that, material possessions do not constitute the real wealth of this world. How many among the Prophets were materially wealthy? Yet, who is wealthier than the prophets and the messengers of Allah?
A person who is searching for a life partner has the right to look for a rich person, but it’s wise to make that requirement secondary to religiousity. This is because, no one guarantees that, a rich person will remain rich for the whole of his or her life.
If you marry somebody due to his wealth, the tendency is that, you will dump him, once he or she goes bankrupt.
Every Muslim reads Surah Al-Masad, (Surah number 111), in which Abu Lahab is cursed and decreed to be among the eternal dwellers of Hellfire. At the same time, we all agree that, Abu Lahab had come from one of the noblest family lineage mankind has seen. That is the lineage of Quraish, which was blessed with our beloved Prophet Muhammad, salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam. We also know that, the Prophet salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam, heard the footsteps of Sayyidina Bilal Ibn Rabah in the heaven. Bilal was a freed black slave, whose family migrated from Abyssinia to Makkah, some time in history.
People will never meet Allah will their ancestry, but with their deeds. So choose a partner, who will assist you righteously to carry out more righteous deeds and earn Allah’s Pleasure as more as possible.
If you have read this article from the beginning till this point, by now, you are convinced of the importance of why one should hunt for a religious spouse for the noble lifetime project; marriage. But what for a moment!
Mostly, we strive to achieve excellence, but fail give excellence in return. I mean, before any of us think of going for a religious partner, he or she should ensure they are religious to the best of their possibility.
Religiousity starts with true belief in Allah and accepting the prophecy of Sayyidina Muhammad, salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam. This is reflected in our deeds as we carry out our religious obligations that connects us with Allah, such as solat, fasting, going for Hajj and others. But for such religiousity to be complete, one needs make sure their social interactions are sound and humane, in accordance to the teachings of Islam.
This is basically, the only reason why we are advised to go for a religious partner.
One can’t consider himself a religious person, if they tell lies and lack honesty and integrity. Marriage life can’t continue for long, if one of the spouses practise cheats and lies to the other.
One can’t consider himself a religious person, if they fail to behave as a good neighbour to their neighbours. What kind of happy marriage life can one enjoy, if they don’t have good relationship with their neighbours? The nature of the relationship we establish with our neighbours leaves its respective impact on our lives inside our house.
One can’t consider himself religious, if they are abusive husband or a bully wife. Did the Prophet ever set his hand on any of his servants, let alone his spouses? What kind of religiousity can one claim for him or herself, if they abuse their spouse?
One can’t consider himself religious, if they can’t spare people surrounding them form their vulgarities? People of good morals refrain from vulgarities let alone followers of the Prophet, sallla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam.
When we are searching for a religious person for marriage, we don’t just accept the person because he or she is punctual in their solat and fasting, but are, in addition to being good observant of their ibadah, they morally, value wise, and socially sound.
Sayyiduna Umar Ibn Al-Khattab, radhiya Allahu ‘anhu, was once doing his night supervision, in Madinah, in the middle of the darkness of the night. He overheard a moral argument, taking place between a mother and her unmarried daughter.
The mother wanted the daughter to cheat on the milk they sell, by mixing it with water. The daughter protested saying that, it was immoral to do such thing. She also reminded the mother of the decree of Sayyidina Umar, radhiya Allahu ‘anhu, not to mix milk with water, so not to cheat customers.
The mother said that nobody, not even Umar himself, would see them if they were to mix the milk with water. The daughter shouted, “If Umar does not see us, then Umar’s God (Allah), sees us”.
Sayyiduna Umar, radhiya Allahu ‘anhu, was happy to hear that, and went straight away to his house, he called all his sons and asked for the one of them who wasn’t married yet, and told him that he had chosen for him a bride. The son welcomed the choice, and the bride was no other than the milk-woman’s daughter.
Years passed and this milk- woman’s daughter, Umar’s daughter-in-law, gave birth to a baby: a little girl who grew up, and was married to Abdulaziz Ibn Marwan, to give him, and the whole world with him, the fifth orthodox caliph of Islam: Umar Ibn Abdul-Azeez.
Moral of the Story
If you are searching for a soul mate, make sure you hunt for the one with attributes, similar to those of the milk-woman’s daughter.
If you have made up your mind, not to marry but a person of religiosity, that means you are on the right track. So make sure you keep your word.
But being on the right track and doing the right thing are both still within the limited human effort. Now, it’s time that you connect your human effort with the Will and Approval (Success) of Allah the Almighty.
Du’a is the backbone of any success that the believer (Mu’min) achieves in this life and for the Hereafter. Certainly, choosing the most suitable partner for a lifetime project, such as marriage, requires more du’a than any other project may require. Many are the religious, whom you can choose, marry and carry on with your life, but whether that particular religious person is suitable for you or not, only du’a can assist you determine that. Du’a will surely protect you from relating to pretentious (fake) religious partner. This means your du’a itself, needs to be done in a desperate state as possible with sincerity and humility.
One of the du’a you can emphasize on, anytime you supplicate with regards to our subject matter, be it in your solat, in our sujud, when you raise your hands up to Him or in any other situation, is the one Sayyiduna Zakariyya said, and was blessed, as a result, with his son, Sayyidina Yahya:
رَبِّ هَبْ لِي مِن لَّدُنكَ ذُرِّيَّةً طَيِّبَةً، إِنَّكَ سَمِيعُ الدُّعَاءِ
It means, “Lord, grant me by Your own grace virtuous offspring. You are the hearer of all prayers” [Surah Aali Imran, 3:38]
The more bored as you make this du’a, the more you should repeat it. My advice!
Also, don’t forget to do your Istikharah Prayers, once you decide to start your search for a soul mate.
If you are already married, and were not successful to ‘fully’ observe Islamic values in your engagement period, that is a mistake that can be corrected. How? One should ensure they discourage their children, males or females, who are about to get engaged, or who are already engaged from committing the same sinful deeds we committed during our engagement times. This is how can we prove our sincerity and honesty before Allah, that we regret what we have done when we were in our state of human weakness, and therefore we repent and seek forgiveness from Him.
Most importantly, the engagement period lays the foundation of the structure of the Muslim family, after the ‘building materials’ (couples) have been gathered (found each other). The amount of effort we put in to ensure the purity of the relationship between us, as couples, and between us, the couples and Allah, is very important, and its effect is going to remain throughout the marriage life. It may also reflect on the children we are going to be given in future.
If we encourage our spouses to disobey Allah the Almighty, during our period of engagement, when we are not lawfully married, and have no significant rights over each other, how then, can we guarantee, that they will obey us, when we have lawful rights over one another?
In other words, the one who chooses to displease Allah, in order to please you, during the period of the so called love (engagement) is likely to displease you in order to please another man or woman, even after your lawful marriage.
The reason? You taught him or her how to do that.
To play safe, let’s prioritize the Pleasure of Allah during our engagement period(s), and Allah will grant us happiness and tranquillity in our marriage life.
If you want a wife with the quality of Sayyidatuna Khdijah, radhiya Allah ‘anha, you must strive to be like Sayyidina Muhammad, salla Allah ‘alaihi wasallam. If you want a husband like Sayyidina Muhammad, salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam, you must strive to be like Sayyidatina Khadijah, or Aishah, or Saudah, or Zainab, or Ummu Salamah or any of his wives, salla Allahu ‘alahi wasallam.
Allah knows best.